A Modern Proposal
for making it easier
for the entire world to know what we have been up to and what is on our minds
by
Carlyn Hofschneider
2014
It is
not an unusual site to those, who walk through the mall, or sit in a
restaurant, or even gather at an assembly, to see such places — just to name a
few — packed with people of all sorts of ages with electronic devices in their
hands, filling in all of their friends and followers on social networking sites
with what they have been up to and what exactly is on their minds. These
children, teenagers, and adults — unable to engage in an actual conversation
with the people around them — are being forced, by their ever-rising need to
know what everyone thinks about things related to their personal life, to
constantly keep the world updated. Rather than employ all their time in
reality, associating with real people face-to-face, these poor victims of
social networking sites are forced to spend their time on something even more
valuable, something even more worthwhile: updating their status on Facebook and
tweeting on Twitter. Post, refresh, and repeat — over and over again.
Thus, as
a solution to such a drastic world-wide dilemma, I propose that there be
instilled, within such individuals, a device which will be known as their
social networking chip. It is a tiny, micro-sized chip that will be painlessly
inserted into the wrist. Through the advancements of the latest technology, the
device syncs with human brain, uploading every thought onto Facebook and Twitter.
Additionally, the chip comes with its very own tracking device. Hence, it will
automatically include a user’s exact location with every post.
With
such a device, individuals can satisfy their every desire to keep the world
updated — instantly. Rather than having to go out of your way to pull out your device
and post on Facebook or tweet on Twitter, the chip will automatically do it for
you, as every thought instantly becomes your latest status and tweet, with
every location included with it. Currently watching Family Guy at home? Already
posted. Having problems with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Already posted. Late
night shopping with food stamps at Long Feng? Already posted. The chip will
always be one step ahead of you.
Additionally, stalkers will no
longer even have to go on “stalker-mode” to know where you are or what you have
been up to. They — and let’s not forget the whole entire world — will be
constantly updated. The chip makes both their lives and yours so much easier.
Even more, keeping tabs on your significant
other will no longer be necessary either. Even the slightest thought of
cheating will be posted, and their very location at every moment accounted for.
You’ll never again have to wonder what has been on their minds or where they have been. The chip — or essentially Facebook and Twitter — says it all.
I cannot think of anyone who could
pose any objection to such a proposal, except for those individuals who do, in
fact, suffer from this world-wide epidemic of having to constantly post their
personal lives all over the internet — an opposition which would, in essence,
be quite hypocritical. In the argument of privacy, one cannot object to such a
proposal, as the chip is simply there to do all of the things one already does:
keep the rest of the world updated with one’s personal life — with the
exception of the sole fact that the chip does it instantly. Now who could argue
against that? There is no greater solution that man can think of, nor any device
that man could create that would ease the issue, other than the social networking chip that I have
proposed.
I
confess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal
interest in endeavoring to promote this exceptional, micro-sized piece of
technology, having no other motive than simply making it effortless for the
entire world to know what one has been up to and what is on one’s mind. I have
no social network, by which I myself can propose to post my personal life upon
for the rest of the world to see; my Facebook status last updated in 2012, and
my twitter account long de-activated.
